Monday, 16 July 2012

'That four letter word...'

'That four letter word...'

What is stopping you from getting the life you want?

Maybe, you already have everything that you want, if so I congratulate you! However, if you are like many (probably most)...then there have been times that fears icy talons have had a grip on you, and have pulled you back from going out and achieving something you actually wanted.
So, I ask you....what was that 'fear' all about?

Was it...Fear of change? What's not quite so familiar? The great unknown? Or fear of being judged perhaps??...

Aristotle once said, 

“Criticism is something we can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.”

Mmmm, well I guess if what other people think and their opinion of you matters to you so much Aristotle said, its best you do nothing!

But.. be aware of the price you will pay for it as it will undoubtedly hold you back in all aspects of your life. 

If instead, you may be here reading this because you want to find ways to overcome it, then read on!

Below are some of the steps I advise that you use to melt away all that negative fear.

...Actually, before I continue, let me just clarify - 
there are very occasional times that fear can be a 'good' thing.
Like when it may be alerting you of something dangerous, it could manifest itself as a 'gut instinct', if so always make sure you listen to it carefully first before disregarding it,our 'tummy's' can tell us a lot if we pay close attention!

Anyway...this leads me nicely to the first of my points...Which is;

1 - Identify it:
Basically as I just mentioned above, listen to it carefully and evaluate it.

And remember Marcus Aurelius said'
'If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.

2 - Acknowledge it:
And surrender to it without judgement.
Instead, just sit with the feeling for a minute and you may notice after a while it will just start to magically evaporate!

The important thing here is to learn not to judge ourselves for any emotions that may come up. 

There is no 'right' or 'wrong' feeling. 
If you’re afraid, then you’re afraid, clear and simple. 

It is not wrong to be afraid, it is only a hindrance.

Eckhart Tolle author of The power of Now says this;

'I referred to asking ourselves "How am I doing?" as "the death question", 
because it takes us out of the flow of life and back into the morass of our judgmental thinking about ourselves. 
Whether we call this self-consciousness "the ego", our "personal thinking", "the self", or simply "me", trying to live up to an image or ideal of what this "me" should be like is the single most draining, stressful, and ultimately futile things we spend our time and energy on each and every day.

3 - Make the decision to change and 'Act' accordingly:
This one is a very important one. 
Sounds simple and 'act'ually it is :-)
Once you 'consciously' make the decision to change, then that's already half the battle sorted.
Often one extra little degree of difference is all it takes to make massive differences.
Think about water... 
At 211 degrees F, hot water can make a good cup of tea, but if you heat it by one extra degree then you can power a locomotive with steam!
If a pilot veers one degree south or west off his designated flight plan he could end up flying into some very high mountains instead of landing nice and safely at his planned destination!


As an NLP Practitioner, I know that what I tell my brain to do, it will then follow the instructions I have given it.

As my favourite quote on the front of my diary says,

'You are that on which you feast your mind' by the Little Prince
(a wonderful book that everyone should read by the way).

Our 'unconscious' mind, you see, does not know the difference between what is real and what is not, so if you 'decide' to change (even if we are not fully convinced at the time) the 'unconscious' will take this on board.

If you’re not fully convinced then…Try this...

Imagine that you have a lovely, fresh, juicy lemon in your hand, right before your eyes. Imagine rubbing the texture with your fingers, squeezing it tightly so that a little juice squirts out. Now, imagine biting into its skin and tasting the bitter juice....
Did you experience anything? By any chance did your mouth start to water a little or did you squeeze your eyes shut or pucker your lips at all? 

My bet is that you did!

You see...The conscious mind (the logical, analytical one) knows that
 there is no lemon and it's only your imagination but the unconscious mind (the illogical) believes whatever is in the conscious mind and since our behavior is ruled by the unconscious, it automatically results in your mouth watering!

Most of our mental processing is done at the unconscious level. With a few rare exceptions, the conscious mind of most individuals has an upper limit of about nine streams of information that it can track at one time. For most of us it is somewhere between five and seven.
The unconscious mind however can track millions of bits of data at once, and with ease. Like an iceberg that only shows its peak above water (think of that as the conscious part) there is much, much more of it hiding under the surface (the unconscious).
When we tell the conscious mind over and over that a certain thing is true, the unconscious mind will then start to act accordingly also. It will align with the beliefs of the conscious mind. If the conscious mind regularly says that all black dogs are vicious, then the unconscious mind will kindly start to provide a fear response that will fire anytime a black dog comes near.

4 - Small steps to change –

Ghandi said,
“As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world – that is the myth of the atomic age – as in being able to remake ourselves.”

Make the decision to change & be proactive every day.
Take it one little step at a time.
Set small easily achievable goals every day.

Inaction will only breed doubt and fear, action instead will breed in you confidence and courage. If you want to overcome your fear, don’t sit at home, thinking, dwelling and procrastinating about it.
                                      Go out and get busy doing and living!

5 – Move outside of your comfort zone –

‘Never be afraid to try something new.
                  Remember, amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic.’
Every day do small things that you would not normally do because of fear holding you back. Start off small and you will see how quickly your confidence grows.
Talk to guy you would normally avoid and soon you will find yourself joining that group you have spent the last three months procrastinating over!
Most of all do things that are fun!

Once you start to make these changes you will also start seeing the world differently. Your changes will change the world.
If you change how you think, that will change how you feel and that will undoubtedly result in what actions you take, right?
And so the world around you will change also.

6 - Visualize:
If you knew you could not fail what would you do differently?
What would the house you would live in look like? The car you would drive? The partner you would have? Your dream job? Etc etc…

See it big and bold in full colour,
hear the sounds, feel the emotions it brings up, smell it, taste it.
Are you there yet? Have you got the picture??

Brilliant, because that’s NOW programmed into your unconscious and if you have been paying attention and have read the above then you know that your mind is now doing everything it can to get you that. It is now playing on the same team as you!

So keep imagining and go do it NOW!

If you would like more on this, call me at 086-3845299 or email

To your Success!!!
Danielle x 
Your Mind Coach
Change your Mind and Change your Life!