What are you afraid of? When someone says they are afraid... what are they actually saying they are afraid of, most of the time? Fear of moving country, starting a new job, starting a new relationship, ending an old relationship, fear of spiders, fear of the outdoors, fear of the dark.... the list goes on.
What do these all have in common?
Of course there are times that fear is good. It is our brains way of alerting us that danger may be near and that we might have to take action. This is where our 'fight or flight' response kicks in. If it is a REAL threat then we HAVE to take action immediately, when our body has been pumped with adrenalin and the blood is sent to our limbs so that we can utilize them efficiently. If we do nothing then we will very quickly go into 'flight' mode and our body will shut down and we will simply freeze.
'I learned that courage was not the absence of fear,
but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel
afraid, but he who conquers that fear.' Nelson Mandela
To me, this relates very closely to life in general.
If we do not take immediate action when we feel that fear, we very quickly begin to settle into complacency and a false, numb sort of security.
But... back to what the above fears had in common... have you guessed it? Sure you have. We have all felt it at some point.
Fear of Change. This of course means what we really fear is the unknown.
Most of the time when actually confronted with our fear, it turns out to be, not quite as bad as we actually thought it was going to be.
Have you ever seen an old Black & White horror movie, where they drag out the suspense and you never actually know who or what is the bad guy?? Compare that to today's gory, nearly grotesquely comical version of a horror. To me that's more shock the fear factor! It's your imagination that gets you really frightened! And so it goes in life also. We tend to blow things up in our mind to overwhelming proportions. Imagining the worst and creating gigantic, terrifying monsters in our heads.
'What scares us has nothing to do with the content of our thought,
and everything to do with the fact that we are thinking them.' Michael Neill
Well, I say go and face those fears, those imaginary monsters, because most of the time those monsters are only in the confines of your mind and not actually out there. In fact, why not then, create wonderful thoughts with your imagination instead? Really cool, delightful monsters?? It is after all, YOUR Imagination Isn't it? Yes it is!
So its your choice... live in the safe comfort of your head and what you choose to create or reach out to the big, bad world and see what is ACTUALLY really out there. You may just find it's not such a bad place after all.......
If 'suffering' was like a spoon of sugar..... how many would you choose to take today? I am guessing most would 'say'...'None then thanks!',
but what they say and what they do turns out to be very different, right?........Right.
We say 'no thank you!' very adamantly indeed and then often follow it up by ladling heaped spoonful after spoonful of delicious 'suffering' onto our daily lives......
'Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.'
We have all experienced pain of some sort, whether it was physical or emotional.
It comes part and parcel with life and it's arrival is generally inevitable at some point or other.
At that moment, even though (most of us) actually know we will recover, the pain feels unbearable.
Emotional pain is impossible to quantify and what might seem trivial to one person can feel like the end of the world to another. The end of a summers romance for a young teenage girl can feel as heartbreaking as the end of a life long marriage for another.
Whatever the event the pain is there, and it hurts and feels very real. You have been scarred. What you now choose to do with that, is up to you. This is where the choice comes in.
Here are some choices I made, that have helped me,
and I believe could help you when you choose to make them... Accept and recognize the pain for what it is.
Okay so you are hurt. Breathe deeply and let it out.
Keeping that pain tight inside does not help you.
Sometimes, just recognizing it helps it melt away.
Make the decision to let it go and say it out loud. It is a 'choice' and when you feel ready, choose to let it go. Keep in the present moment.
Every time you find your mind drifting to the past and all the memory's,click yourself back into the now. It is not serving you to dwell on the past and to keep reliving and torturing yourself. If you have to relive the past, think of times before the pain.
Remember times when you were strong, happy, enjoying things by yourself, etc.
Just take it moment by moment.
No more, no less.
Every time you feel yourself wandering towards the 'suffering' bowl, take a deep breath, sit up tall and tell me about a time you were indestructible... now, just think about that and keep going.....
We often hear people say things such as... 'I try everything, but nothing seems to work!' or 'no matter how hard I work I just cant seem to succeed!'
Have you noticed how for some people it all seems to flow so easily and naturally?
Have you noticed what the difference may be?? Well someone did.
Napoleon Hill spent over twenty years studying thousands of hugely successful individuals and recorded his findings in a book called 'Think and grow Rich'.
A super book which I highly recommend you read. http://www.amazon.com/Think-Grow-Rich-Napoleon-Hill/dp/0449214923
Richard Bandler and John Grinder also later studied people who were successful in their field at creating positive change in others, and from their findings they founded a system called Neuro Linguistic Programming.(NLP)
I was very lucky to have the opportunity to study under Richard Bandler and have the privilege of gaining some of this knowledge.
Below, are some of what I consider the key elements to help you create the life you desire. Experience has shown that even if you follow only one of these points,
your life will suddenly take on a whole new and exciting direction....
Tip 1 - (In my opinion the MOST important!)
Imagine what your dream life would be like.
Relax in a quiet space, close your eyes and visualise the life you want.
Imagine yourself actually there. Bring all your senses into this.
See what it would be like - what are you doing?
Hear the sounds around you - what do you hear?
Feel whatever you may feel - internally and externally. How does your body feel, what emotions are you experiencing?
What can you smell and what can you taste?
Make it as big and bold and bright as you possibly can.
Bring as much details and specifics into it as you can.
Do this every day, when you wake and most importantly before you go to sleep.
Do this even if you find it hard at first, it will become easier.
But do it EVERY day until you are actually there.
Tip 2 - Find your life purpose.
What would you do if you could not fail?
What would you do for free, if money was no object?
What gives you shivers down your spine?
This is your life purpose.
You may not have a clear plan, YET, how to achieve it, but if you are following step one, your unconscious will figure out the plan for you very soon.
Once you know what your life purpose is, it becomes easier.
You never again have to work a day in your life!
Tip 3 - Set a deadline and an exact plan in action.
Buy a really nice diary and a lovely pen. Write in big bold letters what you ARE IN THE PROCESS OF ACHIEVING.
Put down as much specifics as you can.
How much money you want to have. Where you want to be living. What you want to be doing. Who do you want with you.
Set a dead line by which you will have it. An exact date.
Then break down this dead line into smaller chunks. So, say your plan is to be living in Italy, writing your second successful novel and pruning your sunflowers by May 2015. Break the in between into smaller chunks working backwards. May 2014 - 1st Novel goes to print. May 2013 - Completed unfinished novel. """"""""""""""" January 2013 - Fill in all the space in between. Each month, week, day.... The more detail you can fill in the better.
Tip 3 - Repeat, repeat, repeat your Mantra!
When you know your purpose in life and where you want to go, then simply say it out loud. (It is vital you say it out loud).
Say it when you wake and before sleeping and at all other times that it is possible without people thinking you are crazy!
It could be as simple as the well known, 'everyday I am getting better in every way' mantra,
however I recommend you create your own.
Say, what it is you want to achieve, by what date and how wonderfully you are going to achieve it.
As you say it, bring up as much emotion and passion as you can. The more you can visualize and imagine as you say it, the better.
Tip 4 - Use your time wisely.
Stop procrastinating and wasting your precious time. Learn how to use it productively.
As outlined in Tip 2, break down your goal as much as possible.
Every day, write out what you are going to achieve today.
Break this down to the most important tasks and the most beneficial to you. Remove all other distractions while you do these tasks, such as phones, email alerts, etc, etc.
Tip 5 - Use your 'you' time wisely also.
Often the same people that seem to get nothing done are the ones that seem to be working the hardest! Take regular time out! It is a proven fact that people who take regular breaks are more productive, so you can actually work less! Exercise daily and get some fresh air. Take a deep breath, expanding your tummy not your shoulders, and hold it for a few seconds before exhaling. Do this very time you become aware of your breathing. Eat healthily and consciously. Your body will thank you and reward you with more energy for thinking of it!
Tip 6 - Keep a positive attitude.
In NLP terms we call it, 'changing your brain juice.'
If you have a negative thought, change it. Smile, even if you dont feel like it, your brain wont know the difference! Change your physiology. Change your posture, pull back your shoulders and hold your head up.
Look up. Again your brain wont know your tricking it and will reward you with some lovely endorphins. Think of something for which you are grateful for. In fact write out a list of at least ten things you are happy to have. Any time you are feeling down do this.
Tip 7 - Never give up.
The fact is that most people who fail were only one teeny weeny step away from success.
We also store within us a much bigger supply of courage and perseverance then many of us actually perceive. Keep going, looking up and visualising the end result, no matter what.
If you follow the above points then this should be a lot easier.
But in the mean time I will leave you with this.... (-;
To your success! Danielle x
NLP Licenced Master Practitioner & Life Advisor, NB! * For more Information on upcoming courses such as my 'Life Changing Weekend Workshop' coming to Dublin in February 2013, contact me to find out how to book your place NOW at neurocombatives@gmail.com www.mindart.ning.com
Friday 7 September 2012
How to find inspiration....
I am sure, we have all had the question asked of us ...
'If you had only had one year left on earth.... what would you do?'
I have heard many answers to this question, ranging from the adventurous, such as 'jumping out of a parachute' to 'spending time with the people you love.' All wonderful responses of course.
I am sure you too have pondered on this occasionally. If not, then now is a good time. There is no time like the present!
Often, this question is nicely finished off with a comment such as.. 'live each day as though it was your last and someday you will be right.'
I too have thought about this many times and whenever I remember it, I remember to live by it.
It also helped me decide what I wanted to leave behind. What I wanted my message to be.
What is my inspiration for life and what I hoped would inspire others.
My inspiration turned out to be 'inspiring others'.
You too can find your inspiration.
Close your eyes and imagine what would you do, if you KNEW with a 100% conviction you could not fail??
If this is what gives you goose pimples and shivers down your spine, then this is it. Visualize your dream already being reality. Imagine yourself living that life and feeling all the wonderful emotions that brings. Feel it as if it was happening right now.
This is your inspiration and what is about to come, now go and do it!
This is a question that is asked often.
We say things such as,
'but I just can't help it, I'm sad, depressed, lonely, upset,' etc, etc....
And yes, we have all felt that at times, me included!
And I agree fully, it is very hard to stop it, and the only way to overcome that hardship is to make the decision unequivocally, congruently and with conviction that...
that is in fact what you want.
Of course that's what I want!
I hear you yell. I yelled the loudest!
I ask you now, tentively (-:
(as I know how I responded to this question,
do you REALLY WANT TO STOP FEELING BAD???
I'm sorry, I don't mean to cause consternation and before you click me off with an indignant thump of your fingers, just think about it a little, okay?
I did and I realized something really bizarre.
A lot of the time (not always) I actually didn't really want to let go of my hurt and pain.
In fact I WANTED to hold on to it!
I WANTED and CHOSE to curl up with it under my duvet and snuggle it into my belly where I nurtured it and watched it grow with all the tears I soaked it with.
I grew this pain and suffering into a giant ball inside of me and relished in the suffering I was inflicting on myself.
It felt 'normal', like what was expected of me. It's what you do, right??
When something sad or bad or simply just life happens, we are supposed to feel miserable, arent we?It's the procedure, no?
I was simply carrying out what was expected of me, or at least what I thought was expected.
I played the part of Bridget Jones to perfection, stuffing myself with barrels of Icecream and torturing the neighbours with wailing songs of hardship and lost love.
My martyrdom and expertise at being a victim was deservant of a Oscar.
Any of this sound familiar???
Experience has shown that we often tend to assimilate what we are programmed subliminally or otherwise. Media wants us to be miserable and buy into all the 'comfort' products they offer.
Promising us to 'feel better' if we just buy this record, eat this food, go on this holiday, etc...
History teaches us this is how we are 'supposed' to react. Tales of sadness and woe fill our childhood & schoolbooks. Othello looking for revenge, Romeo dying for his beloved Juliette, Van Gogh never being content with his work.
Everything tells us we should want more & more, we should not be happy just as things are.
So, how about if we were? How would it feel?
Think of nothing for a moment. Go on, try it....
Can you?? Or is your mind full of cluttering thoughts?
I realized that it was a choice we make. Of course there are certain times in our life that we may need to mourn a little but we do know the difference. Dont we?
Go on be honest with yourself.
Once I decided to let go of the bitter sweet feeling of sadness that I clung on to so desperately,I started to feel free. I realized that it was simply a choice I could make.
I could keep it and continue to nurture the seeds of misery or choose to let it go and start living my life.
I chose to throw off the duvet and dump the Icecream.
I promise you, it is simply a choice.
You too can do it. You just have to choose to want to...
When someone says they are afraid...
