'There is no fixed physical reality,
no single perception of the world,
just numerous ways of interpreting world views
as dictated by one's nervous system
and the specific environment of our planetary existence.'
Today I am feeling somewhat down.
Time for a big dose of Nlp, positive thinking and a fresh perspective..... (-:
Yesterday, I had a bizarre experience, that clearly emphasized the above quote by Deepak,
and another one which I am just about to remind you of......... 'The Map is not the Territory.'
What does this mean exactly?
Well, it means that what we always perceive or view as the truth, fact or whatever you may call it,
is not always actually the way it is.
What we see is what we see, but not necessarily the reality.
Let me elaborate and give you my example,
without further ado.
Yesterday I had a ridiculous and upsetting rant (through text) with a very good, long time friend.
For some strange reason she got it in her head that I had tried to keep some personal information from her and she was upset. The conversation got progressively worse as I tried to explain I just never thought of it, she suggested I was being secretive and so I retorted she was being paranoid. We both got further upset and it carried on into an irrational, incomprehensible, impossible tit for tat.
I elaborated that it was not a big deal for me, that it had not been something important to tell.
She went on to tell me that I never tell her things until after, re suggesting I was being secretive.
She even said her partner had 'observed' this.
Well, after numerous texts, I gave up, thinking we had better sleep on it, before ruining a life time friendship.
This is the sum of what I think;
* We spoke through texts. That in itself will tell a LOT! Don't you think?
In NLP one of the first things we learn is how people communicate and how we evaluate and discern what they are saying to us.
When we communicate, the actual words that we use make up ONLY about 10% of the process.
The rest is generally done through physical actions, posture, gesticulations, facial expressions and so forth.
So, the point is...how well could we have actually been communicating??
On top of that 1st crucial error, we all tend to often follow some other silly ingrained patterns.....
* We see a reflection of our own fears.
The boy who fears dogs might believe that anything that moves is a dog, for a moment or two before he realizes that its something else. This perception error often happens when people interact with each other also. Those who were cheated on before often analyze and scrutinize peoples words and phrases looking to catch them out and prove their hunch correct. Those who were abused might find it hard to let down their defenses and trust again fearing the same will happen. Those who were abandoned by their parents may feel they are not good enough and that no one will stay with them.
Unfortunately, we constantly look to reinforce our beliefs and justify our fears, unfortunately often to our detriment.
- We all have different beliefs. Our individual belief system, based on all our history, governs the way we see reality. If, for example, you believe that all people are selfish, then you will interpret their actions in a way that proves this fact true. If you believe that rich people are arrogant then you will always see them that way, not because they are, but because your perception of reality will be biased towards your beliefs. Beliefs come from past experiences and that's why the environment the person grows in determines the way he sees the world to a great extent. Something that to me may not seem very relevant or important might be a huge big deal to my friend, based on our corresponding past experiences.
- We have different identities: I love to listen to Italian music while I paint or write, it inspires me and fills me with passion. But another friend of mine covers her ears and whines, as though I am prodding hot pokers in her ears! I love this type of music because it resonates with my inner world and my past history. It is what I know and what I feel familiar with, and that brings me comfort and pleasure.I can relate to the Italian singer (being half Italian) and it reminds me of my childhood. We all see the world based on our own identities, and as a result one person can find a certain thing beautiful while the other person can find it painful.
So, how do we see reality correctly then?Whenever you believe that people are not being nice to you or you are having a disagreement,
* Remind yourself that there is a great possibility that one of you are not seeing reality correctly.
* Look at things through their eyes.
* See it through their perspective.
* Try and relate to their past history so as to get a feel of what angle they are looking at it from.
* Remember this is normal within us all so be forgiving, to both others and yourself.
* Become aware of your own thought patterns and listen to your own internal dialogue.
* Remember...... 'The map is not the Territory.'
Read this article for more on this also,
For more on how to look at things through a new perspective and improve your relationships,
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But for now I am going to go chat to my friend,
Master Neuro Linguistic Programmer & Coach.
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