What are you afraid of? When someone says they are afraid... what are they actually saying they are afraid of, most of the time? Fear of moving country, starting a new job, starting a new relationship, ending an old relationship, fear of spiders, fear of the outdoors, fear of the dark.... the list goes on.
What do these all have in common?
Of course there are times that fear is good. It is our brains way of alerting us that danger may be near and that we might have to take action. This is where our 'fight or flight' response kicks in. If it is a REAL threat then we HAVE to take action immediately, when our body has been pumped with adrenalin and the blood is sent to our limbs so that we can utilize them efficiently. If we do nothing then we will very quickly go into 'flight' mode and our body will shut down and we will simply freeze.
'I learned that courage was not the absence of fear,
but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel
afraid, but he who conquers that fear.' Nelson Mandela
To me, this relates very closely to life in general.
If we do not take immediate action when we feel that fear, we very quickly begin to settle into complacency and a false, numb sort of security.
But... back to what the above fears had in common... have you guessed it? Sure you have. We have all felt it at some point.
Fear of Change. This of course means what we really fear is the unknown.
Most of the time when actually confronted with our fear, it turns out to be, not quite as bad as we actually thought it was going to be.
Have you ever seen an old Black & White horror movie, where they drag out the suspense and you never actually know who or what is the bad guy?? Compare that to today's gory, nearly grotesquely comical version of a horror. To me that's more shock the fear factor! It's your imagination that gets you really frightened! And so it goes in life also. We tend to blow things up in our mind to overwhelming proportions. Imagining the worst and creating gigantic, terrifying monsters in our heads.
'What scares us has nothing to do with the content of our thought,
and everything to do with the fact that we are thinking them.' Michael Neill
Well, I say go and face those fears, those imaginary monsters, because most of the time those monsters are only in the confines of your mind and not actually out there. In fact, why not then, create wonderful thoughts with your imagination instead? Really cool, delightful monsters?? It is after all, YOUR Imagination Isn't it? Yes it is!
So its your choice... live in the safe comfort of your head and what you choose to create or reach out to the big, bad world and see what is ACTUALLY really out there. You may just find it's not such a bad place after all.......
If 'suffering' was like a spoon of sugar..... how many would you choose to take today? I am guessing most would 'say'...'None then thanks!',
but what they say and what they do turns out to be very different, right?........Right.
We say 'no thank you!' very adamantly indeed and then often follow it up by ladling heaped spoonful after spoonful of delicious 'suffering' onto our daily lives......
'Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.'
We have all experienced pain of some sort, whether it was physical or emotional.
It comes part and parcel with life and it's arrival is generally inevitable at some point or other.
At that moment, even though (most of us) actually know we will recover, the pain feels unbearable.
Emotional pain is impossible to quantify and what might seem trivial to one person can feel like the end of the world to another. The end of a summers romance for a young teenage girl can feel as heartbreaking as the end of a life long marriage for another.
Whatever the event the pain is there, and it hurts and feels very real. You have been scarred. What you now choose to do with that, is up to you. This is where the choice comes in.
Here are some choices I made, that have helped me,
and I believe could help you when you choose to make them... Accept and recognize the pain for what it is.
Okay so you are hurt. Breathe deeply and let it out.
Keeping that pain tight inside does not help you.
Sometimes, just recognizing it helps it melt away.
Make the decision to let it go and say it out loud. It is a 'choice' and when you feel ready, choose to let it go. Keep in the present moment.
Every time you find your mind drifting to the past and all the memory's,click yourself back into the now. It is not serving you to dwell on the past and to keep reliving and torturing yourself. If you have to relive the past, think of times before the pain.
Remember times when you were strong, happy, enjoying things by yourself, etc.
Just take it moment by moment.
No more, no less.
Every time you feel yourself wandering towards the 'suffering' bowl, take a deep breath, sit up tall and tell me about a time you were indestructible... now, just think about that and keep going.....
We often hear people say things such as... 'I try everything, but nothing seems to work!' or 'no matter how hard I work I just cant seem to succeed!'
Have you noticed how for some people it all seems to flow so easily and naturally?
Have you noticed what the difference may be?? Well someone did.
Napoleon Hill spent over twenty years studying thousands of hugely successful individuals and recorded his findings in a book called 'Think and grow Rich'.
A super book which I highly recommend you read. http://www.amazon.com/Think-Grow-Rich-Napoleon-Hill/dp/0449214923
Richard Bandler and John Grinder also later studied people who were successful in their field at creating positive change in others, and from their findings they founded a system called Neuro Linguistic Programming.(NLP)
I was very lucky to have the opportunity to study under Richard Bandler and have the privilege of gaining some of this knowledge.
Below, are some of what I consider the key elements to help you create the life you desire. Experience has shown that even if you follow only one of these points,
your life will suddenly take on a whole new and exciting direction....
Tip 1 - (In my opinion the MOST important!)
Imagine what your dream life would be like.
Relax in a quiet space, close your eyes and visualise the life you want.
Imagine yourself actually there. Bring all your senses into this.
See what it would be like - what are you doing?
Hear the sounds around you - what do you hear?
Feel whatever you may feel - internally and externally. How does your body feel, what emotions are you experiencing?
What can you smell and what can you taste?
Make it as big and bold and bright as you possibly can.
Bring as much details and specifics into it as you can.
Do this every day, when you wake and most importantly before you go to sleep.
Do this even if you find it hard at first, it will become easier.
But do it EVERY day until you are actually there.
Tip 2 - Find your life purpose.
What would you do if you could not fail?
What would you do for free, if money was no object?
What gives you shivers down your spine?
This is your life purpose.
You may not have a clear plan, YET, how to achieve it, but if you are following step one, your unconscious will figure out the plan for you very soon.
Once you know what your life purpose is, it becomes easier.
You never again have to work a day in your life!
Tip 3 - Set a deadline and an exact plan in action.
Buy a really nice diary and a lovely pen. Write in big bold letters what you ARE IN THE PROCESS OF ACHIEVING.
Put down as much specifics as you can.
How much money you want to have. Where you want to be living. What you want to be doing. Who do you want with you.
Set a dead line by which you will have it. An exact date.
Then break down this dead line into smaller chunks. So, say your plan is to be living in Italy, writing your second successful novel and pruning your sunflowers by May 2015. Break the in between into smaller chunks working backwards. May 2014 - 1st Novel goes to print. May 2013 - Completed unfinished novel. """"""""""""""" January 2013 - Fill in all the space in between. Each month, week, day.... The more detail you can fill in the better.
Tip 3 - Repeat, repeat, repeat your Mantra!
When you know your purpose in life and where you want to go, then simply say it out loud. (It is vital you say it out loud).
Say it when you wake and before sleeping and at all other times that it is possible without people thinking you are crazy!
It could be as simple as the well known, 'everyday I am getting better in every way' mantra,
however I recommend you create your own.
Say, what it is you want to achieve, by what date and how wonderfully you are going to achieve it.
As you say it, bring up as much emotion and passion as you can. The more you can visualize and imagine as you say it, the better.
Tip 4 - Use your time wisely.
Stop procrastinating and wasting your precious time. Learn how to use it productively.
As outlined in Tip 2, break down your goal as much as possible.
Every day, write out what you are going to achieve today.
Break this down to the most important tasks and the most beneficial to you. Remove all other distractions while you do these tasks, such as phones, email alerts, etc, etc.
Tip 5 - Use your 'you' time wisely also.
Often the same people that seem to get nothing done are the ones that seem to be working the hardest! Take regular time out! It is a proven fact that people who take regular breaks are more productive, so you can actually work less! Exercise daily and get some fresh air. Take a deep breath, expanding your tummy not your shoulders, and hold it for a few seconds before exhaling. Do this very time you become aware of your breathing. Eat healthily and consciously. Your body will thank you and reward you with more energy for thinking of it!
Tip 6 - Keep a positive attitude.
In NLP terms we call it, 'changing your brain juice.'
If you have a negative thought, change it. Smile, even if you dont feel like it, your brain wont know the difference! Change your physiology. Change your posture, pull back your shoulders and hold your head up.
Look up. Again your brain wont know your tricking it and will reward you with some lovely endorphins. Think of something for which you are grateful for. In fact write out a list of at least ten things you are happy to have. Any time you are feeling down do this.
Tip 7 - Never give up.
The fact is that most people who fail were only one teeny weeny step away from success.
We also store within us a much bigger supply of courage and perseverance then many of us actually perceive. Keep going, looking up and visualising the end result, no matter what.
If you follow the above points then this should be a lot easier.
But in the mean time I will leave you with this.... (-;
To your success! Danielle x
NLP Licenced Master Practitioner & Life Advisor, NB! * For more Information on upcoming courses such as my 'Life Changing Weekend Workshop' coming to Dublin in February 2013, contact me to find out how to book your place NOW at neurocombatives@gmail.com www.mindart.ning.com
Friday, 7 September 2012
How to find inspiration....
I am sure, we have all had the question asked of us ...
'If you had only had one year left on earth.... what would you do?'
I have heard many answers to this question, ranging from the adventurous, such as 'jumping out of a parachute' to 'spending time with the people you love.' All wonderful responses of course.
I am sure you too have pondered on this occasionally. If not, then now is a good time. There is no time like the present!
Often, this question is nicely finished off with a comment such as.. 'live each day as though it was your last and someday you will be right.'
I too have thought about this many times and whenever I remember it, I remember to live by it.
It also helped me decide what I wanted to leave behind. What I wanted my message to be.
What is my inspiration for life and what I hoped would inspire others.
My inspiration turned out to be 'inspiring others'.
You too can find your inspiration.
Close your eyes and imagine what would you do, if you KNEW with a 100% conviction you could not fail??
If this is what gives you goose pimples and shivers down your spine, then this is it. Visualize your dream already being reality. Imagine yourself living that life and feeling all the wonderful emotions that brings. Feel it as if it was happening right now.
This is your inspiration and what is about to come, now go and do it!
This is a question that is asked often.
We say things such as,
'but I just can't help it, I'm sad, depressed, lonely, upset,' etc, etc....
And yes, we have all felt that at times, me included!
And I agree fully, it is very hard to stop it, and the only way to overcome that hardship is to make the decision unequivocally, congruently and with conviction that...
that is in fact what you want.
Of course that's what I want!
I hear you yell. I yelled the loudest!
I ask you now, tentively (-:
(as I know how I responded to this question,
do you REALLY WANT TO STOP FEELING BAD???
I'm sorry, I don't mean to cause consternation and before you click me off with an indignant thump of your fingers, just think about it a little, okay?
I did and I realized something really bizarre.
A lot of the time (not always) I actually didn't really want to let go of my hurt and pain.
In fact I WANTED to hold on to it!
I WANTED and CHOSE to curl up with it under my duvet and snuggle it into my belly where I nurtured it and watched it grow with all the tears I soaked it with.
I grew this pain and suffering into a giant ball inside of me and relished in the suffering I was inflicting on myself.
It felt 'normal', like what was expected of me. It's what you do, right??
When something sad or bad or simply just life happens, we are supposed to feel miserable, arent we?It's the procedure, no?
I was simply carrying out what was expected of me, or at least what I thought was expected.
I played the part of Bridget Jones to perfection, stuffing myself with barrels of Icecream and torturing the neighbours with wailing songs of hardship and lost love.
My martyrdom and expertise at being a victim was deservant of a Oscar.
Any of this sound familiar???
Experience has shown that we often tend to assimilate what we are programmed subliminally or otherwise. Media wants us to be miserable and buy into all the 'comfort' products they offer.
Promising us to 'feel better' if we just buy this record, eat this food, go on this holiday, etc...
History teaches us this is how we are 'supposed' to react. Tales of sadness and woe fill our childhood & schoolbooks. Othello looking for revenge, Romeo dying for his beloved Juliette, Van Gogh never being content with his work.
Everything tells us we should want more & more, we should not be happy just as things are.
So, how about if we were? How would it feel?
Think of nothing for a moment. Go on, try it....
Can you?? Or is your mind full of cluttering thoughts?
I realized that it was a choice we make. Of course there are certain times in our life that we may need to mourn a little but we do know the difference. Dont we?
Go on be honest with yourself.
Once I decided to let go of the bitter sweet feeling of sadness that I clung on to so desperately,I started to feel free. I realized that it was simply a choice I could make.
I could keep it and continue to nurture the seeds of misery or choose to let it go and start living my life.
I chose to throw off the duvet and dump the Icecream.
I promise you, it is simply a choice.
You too can do it. You just have to choose to want to...
Here we are in a world full of 'instant' this and that....
Instant coffee, instant dinners, instant fixes....
whatever you desire, right NOW.
Then why is it that when it comes to instant fixes for ourselves, we often have a problem with it?
Is the 'instant' era actually frowned upon, deep down?
Admit it, do you ever feel even a little ashamed when you find yourselves in a McDonalds queu or with your microwave dinner on show in your basket next to the Stepford wife's trolley load of fresh food waiting to magically evolve into a masterpiece of a meal?
What I mean is...do we believe deep down that what is quick is not so good, and that what takes pain and suffering is really the only way??
Well, I do agree that we have become very impatient and our time appears to be under more and more demand, but is it the right kind of demand?
Is what you are so desperately chasing actually the best thing for you?
Sometimes a fast food dinner in this convenience world is not necessarily the best thing for you, but maybe at the time and place you where in, it was the best for that! In other words, why utilize the convenience for 'times' sake and then spend the rest of the day beating yourself up for it?
Do we actually stop to analyze our true priorities enough?
If you choose to sacrifice a healthy meal for times sake, does it then make sense to punish yourself for that choice? After all we made the choice consciously, didnt we? (Well, thats a WHOLE other blog! Haha...)
Anyway I digressed slightly, as my point is, I believe that we are all consequences of our actions, in-actions and what we are fed. We are tempted by clever advertisements, bombarding us with the lure of instant gratification but still, engrained deep in our subconscious we hear our ancestors voices whispering to us, 'in our days we had to walk barefoot to school..., bla, bla'...
So which is right?
When it comes to our brain and our thinking. Our habits and our beliefs. Are these something that can be changed in an instant or are they a product of our generations before us engrained in our genes?
If you want to change something about yourself, does this need to be a slow arduous task that takes a long time and even a lot more suffering to achieve?
Or can it be done in a split second, like the flick of a switch.
Take that for example, 'light'.
How did it come about?
Erickson worked long and hard to create the light bulb didnt he?
So am I contradicting myself then?
Well, he worked at it, but that was what he did. He WAS an inventor. He didn't have to work at being it. He was it. Most importantly he was in a good mind frame, and he didn't beat himself up about his decisions. He believed that every thing he did and all the work he was putting in was only moving him closer to his goal.
His philosophy was this.... 'I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.'
I believe this is so true. All of our achievements and exactly where you are right now, is a product of everything you do or do not do. Our decisions, our choices, our trials and errors (I prefer to call them learning curves), all our experiences lead us to the now.
So also do our thoughts. Every thought you have and the accumulation of these, has led you to what you are doing right now. like reading this. You chose to, right?
You can also choose to be happy, confident, succesfull, etc etc. It's only up to you.
Experience has shown that we can choose to change our ways and our thinking as quickly and easily as a light bulb. The time you have spent so far has been your practise, now is the moment of the light.
Still unsure it's possible?
Take note of your posture right now. How are you sitting? How does it feel?
Okay now, let me ask you...
Have you ever felt convinced of something, like you could not do it or would never do it only to be later proved wrong? Proved wrong by your own self talk and conviction? http://dictionary.reverso.net/english-cobuild/self-belief
A voice inside your head that said, 'I can't do that' and then did it. That voice is controlled by you.
How about turning the volume down right now on that voice, right down to zero.
Imagine that voice. Does it have a face, a certain tone to it? Is it someone you know?
Visualise pushing that voice way, way back, far far away and turning that volume down. While your at it, turn the dial for the color also, right down so that is fades to a black and white, soundless little mouth.
NOW imagine how you felt when you surprised even yourself and did something you never thought you would, but that felt soooo good when you did!
Imagine being there now, at this moment, feeling how good it felt. Hear the sounds around you, hear yourself congratulate yourself! Turn up the dial on the color and bring this image up close and all around you.
Immerse yourself in this wonderful feel good state.
Now how are you sitting? Any difference?
That's the power of your mind and the control you have to change in any moment how you feel.
It only takes a lifetime of experience and a moment to change it (-:
And this is that moment to go and switch on that light bulb, right now!
Are our boundary's real, imagined or created by us?
One of my greatest passions is to paint and in so doing bring a canvas to life with my imagination and the help of some wonderful vibrant colors.
Often, I will contemplate over the exact shade for hours and squeeze little tubes of vibrancy unto a palette, mixing and blending until I get it just the way I want it.
Which is what? What color is it exactly? Does everyone see it the same way?And does that color really exist, or is it something that I / we have created or simply given a label too?
And is that 'label'- title, whatever you may want to call it, called something else somewhere else??
Azzuro in Italy, Azul in Spain, Blue in Ireland or if your in Japan they call traffic lights (that we call green) blue! So who is right?
It lies on the most South Westerly point and I am always in awe at the sheer rawness and beauty of its landscape. Windy roads, deserted sandy beaches and hedgerows full of dancing fuchsia's.
But what I like most is the light. It is different. At least to me it appears that way.
I think it is because I am on the other side of what I am generally used to (the east coast) so the sun appears different, closer! And the sunsets over the sea watching Fungi soar are mesmerising and unforgettable.
Or is it simply that I am in holiday mode??
Bright eyes and bushy tailed and looking at it through 'rose tinted glasses'?
What if I put on those glasses more often, in my every day life?
Would the grass be greener?
I am placing these imaginary specs on my nose right now and wow,
when I actually take the time to stop, take a deep breath and look around me
and really observe I can truly see much more beauty in the world that I was unaware of. Right here, right now, under my very nose.
So stop, right NOW and put them on!
See the sheer beauty for what it is,
and appreciate all you have right here and now.
I know I am (-;
Danielle x
For more ideas how to see the world through a new perspective call me on 086-3845299
or email me at neurocombatives@gmail.com
So...... what are YOU planning to feast your mind on today??
In today's news; 200,000 people have fled the fighting in the Syrian city of Aleppo. 47 have died in a fire on a train in Southern India and the number of insolvencies in retail is growing by the minute, bla, bla, bla. Plus one of my most revered authors, the lovely Maeve Binchy has just died......
Really cheerful stuff ay?
So, is that really how we are going to help ourselves? I know I keep harping on about this, but this is truly the key.
If you want to know how to be happy, then....
surround yourself
with happy thoughts!
I am not suggesting you go and live on a deserted island to avoid hearing the news at all costs!
I am also not saying that knowing some of this stuff is important, and I am definitely not intending any disrespect at the memories of those who have passed away or have suffered. News is important and keeping updated is useful, all I am saying is that maybe it would be wise to limit this information on a daily basis.
Filter it, so to speak. Give yourself a daily allowance! Like if you take a coffee (yea, I know it is my vice (-: ) but instead of drinking cupfuls everyday, because you know it is bad for you, maybe you limit it to one? Or two at the most! Maybe, you also balance your little indulgences with some more healthy stuff, like say a massive avocado, tomato and baby spinach salad for lunch. You feel better, right? So can we do that for our mind also? Of course we can!
As I keep saying...'We are that on what we feast our minds', so here are a few ideas to start with.......
When waking- Actually this is 'as' waking -
We do this day after day, through most of our working lives, so why do many of us keep torturing ourselves?? Buy one of those super cool alarm clocks, that wake you up as though the dawn was breaking around you and listen to the birds sing! Well worth the investment and believe me I am not attempting to sell anything, I just know the health implications! http://www.amazon.com/BioBrite-Sunrise-Clock-Advanced-Model/dp/B00196LFGW Soooo much better then starting your day off to a loud, sudden buzzing, yuck!!
Stretch in the bed for a minute and smile (even if you don't feel like it). Your brain wont know the difference and I guarantee after you do it, it will stay on naturally, just like a cheshire cat.
Look at yourself in the mirror and say Hello (nicely!) and say to yourself how GOOD you look today. Just do it!
Have a HEALTHY breakfast with some nice healthy treats (I like fresh blueberry's on my Muesli) yummm!
Listen to some inspiring and invirogating music in the car while driving to work. This is a favorite of mine..... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_RM7cQCC4sU Not the news, unless its absolutely necessary (like your job or something).
Say OUT LOUD in the car, 'Today is going to be a GREAT day!' Again, it does not matter if you believe it or not, what matters is that you say it. Your brain (or rather your unconscious) will catch on quick enough (-: Plus you will feel really stupid, so you will giggle anyway!
Take regular breaks at work. Every half hour, stop for 30 seconds (minimum) and just breathe. In through your nose, hold it for 5 seconds and out through your mouth for five. Keep your shoulders relaxed and let your breath expand in your tummy.
Sit up straight, no slouching! I know you are catching on quick to this by now (-: Your unconscious wont know the difference. It will read the signals from your body, in others words, shoulders back, head tall etc, and will think you are feeling good, and so it will set off lots off positive endorphins!
Think of a famous person or loved one that you admire and take on the characteristics of that person. Act like you think they would. I don't mean mimic ridiculously, just inwardly project the emotion you know they would give. For example, you may adore and look up to Sean Connery and his smooth, confident persona or Catherine Zeta Jones effortless sensuality, then just simply imagine stepping into them and behaving the way they do. You will find people start commenting very quickly and saying that you appear different in some way, more confident, self assured etc etc. It works!
Keep an inspiring or funny book with you, for your break.
Spend time in the company of LOTS of diverse people. Spend LOTS of time with positive, happy people. Think of ways to bring LOTS of joy and happyness into those who do not seem as happy.
Set yourself little goals every day. Such as 'Today, I will get to know that serious looking guy and get him to smile.' Or 'today I am going to do ten little nice things for others'. You will see very quickly how good you start to feel.
When you think a negative thought, thats okay.... Acknowledge you have had it, just don't judge it. Don't beat yourself up further for having it. That's just reinforcing the downward spiral! Instead congratulate yourself for having noticed it. When you do this, you will notice the negative thoughts disappearing very quickly and popping up much less often.
Watch a funny comedy film or show and laugh out loud. This is one of my favorite, totally hilarious, and a suitably apt title too!
Pin up positive messages around the house.
Write down a list of the Top 100 Things you are grateful for. Don't think about it, just start and don't stop until you are finished. Write everything and anything, from your grateful for your job to being able to read this.
I guarantee by the time you are finished all the above, you will be laughing out loud!
Are you laughing yet??
Well, do you really WANT to be happy? So go on then....start feeding your mind on all the good stuff that's out there!
To all your fun and giggles,
Danielle x
If you would like some more ideas to help you laugh out loud, call me on 0863845299 or email me at neurocombatives@gmail.com
This morning I started out with an awful headache.
My head felt foggy and my eyes were dry and sunken. I felt the greatest need to have a sweet coffee. And so I did.The pleasure was instant and I was momentarily gratified.
The thumping headache faded to a dull ache and I started about my morning routine grumbling under my breath.
An hour later and I sat dejected on the sofa, staring out at the lovely day from my comfort spot.
I was in a real slump. No motivation, no interest in lifting a finger, no nothing.
I wondered why only yesterday I had looked so forward to today, where I could write for hours uninterrupted. probably go for a long walk, even do some gardening or painting and maybe finish the day with a lovely meal and a good film.
But instead I sat there, like a beached whale.
And you know what? I knew exactly why and the coffee wasn't helping, albeit it being a very pleasant short pleasure. Below is a great article on the hidden dangers of caffeine. http://www.naturalnews.com/012352.html
I also thought back on what I had eaten yesterday, not my norm, but an unusual treat, bread lots of it. Yummy but unfortunately very tiring on my system.
After the initial sugar rush, there is always a slump, this I knew, but I munched down all the same.
Pretty similar to the coffee now, uuumm.
Okay, okay, I'm not perfect. Even I slip up at times!
So...what now?
I could have sat there all day, to be perfectly honest, but you know what the funny thing was?
It was only when I gave myself permission to do so, if I so wished, without any guilt attached,
that the feeling of lethargy started to melt away.
I closed my eyes for five minutes, thought about the benefit of going for a brisk walk to clear my head, and how invigorated and positive I would feel on my return.
Next thing I knew, I was up and out there, amidst the warm breeze and the changing colors,
and I felt good!
It's quite simple really, feed your mind the right stuff, physically and mentally and you will get a much better outcome.
She is gangly. Long limbed - all arms and legs....
She reminds me of an young gazelle, still uncertain of her movement and how to master it. Yet, she is eighteen. A woman now and outwardly so.
Waved raven locks flow over her cappuccino colored skin. Chocolate doe eyes stare at me in adoration. Curves in all the right places. Yet, inwardly still a child, at least in my eyes.
And she has come to stay with me for the summer, now that she is 'old' enough.
Just like Pocahontas, my sister is also one of 'two nations' as they say.
My mother is Irish and hers is from Mauritius however we share the same father, a handsome man from Rome.
We also share a lot more.
We share a love of singing at the top of our voices in the car, not caring what the nearby commuters think.
We share a love of writing and creating. Our evenings are shared listening to inspiring music while our fingers pitter-patter over the keys.
We share the same compulsion to pick up every snail from the path so that it does not get crushed.
We share the same socks, as her's unfathomably disappear night after night in the Bermuda triangle of the bed.
We share the same blood.
We share our unquestionable love for each other because blood is thicker then water.
She robs my hairbrush (as is her right to do being my sis) and brushes out her tossed curls.
'Sis' she says sleepily, definitely not being a morning person. 'What will we do today?'
She asks this with the hope and excitement of a little girl.
I sip my coffee and watch her, noting how none of the weight of the world has as yet landed on her soft shoulders. I think of ways to keep it so, to protect her for what is to come.
Yet, it is only through adversity that we truly learn, isn't it?
As the great African American educator, Booker T.
Washington said,
"I have learned that success is to be measured not
so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the
obstacles overcome while trying to succeed."
So, this young girl, with the body of a woman will have to overcome her own obstacles.
Many of them without my help. I can of course help guide her and I do.
I will tell her all I have learned and show her how she can be in control of her own destiny, decision making and choices.
Choices such as deciding her own bedtime so she feels alert in the morning.
Deciding what she wants to eat and the healthiest options for herself.
Choosing what to spend her money on and is it wise or not.
Choosing her future career and is it what she truly wants to do.
Some of her choices may turn out not to have been the most beneficial, but she will still have learned valuable lessons.
I instill purpose and value into her day by challenging her to 13 Tasks she must complete by nightfall. Good deeds. Something that is beneficial to others. I know it is benefiting her also.
She runs off delighted with this idea.
Teenagers need a purpose, just like the rest of us to feel motivated as this informative article concurs http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-moment-youth/201106/what-teens-learn-overcoming-challenges
She wants to travel the world, who am I to stop her. I can only teach, inform and educate.
Then the rest is up to her. The decisions are hers.
I advice and alert her of the possible dangers out there, while still wanting to maintain her innocent excitement at life. I don't want to stifle that.
Her innocence is what makes her most beautiful.
She loves everyone and is deeply hurt if people do not reciprocate.
How do I protect her from that?
I guess all I can do is be there for her when inevitably she will be faced with some disappointment.
I will be there to offer her another outlook and perspective
and of course an ever loving shoulder,
always.
That's what 'big sis' is for,
Danielle x
If you want to talk more about decision making or growing up, call me on 0863845299
email me at neurocombatives@gmail.com
A teeny weeny three letter word but a powerful one all the same....
We use it day in day out, most of us not even aware of how much.
It is simply a figure of speech that we use - a habit.
A habit that unfortunately can have a very negative impact on our lives without us realizing it.
The problem with the word 'try', is that it has 'failure' already presupposed in it.
How beneficial has 'trying' been for you in the past?
The actual 'trying', not the 'doing'. I'm not talking about 'doing' something and it not working out how you hoped. That is doing and learning.
Think of this...
If I asked you, now as you read this, to try and close your eyes, actually closing your eyes would be doing, but trying to close your eyes, would imply they are still open.
So now you see my point, yea? (-:
As an NLP Practitioner I am fully aware of the influence the words I use have on my unconscious.
In fact, most of our actions and in actions are ruled by what we say to ourselves and others, and what our unconscious picks up from these words.
So, when it hears us use the word 'try', what it actually picks up from this is 'I don't really believe'.
An example would be,
'I will try and get better at this'.
What I am really saying is, I’m not committed. It's really an excuse, as in ‘Well, I only said I’d try!' This works the exact same way when thinking to yourself. 'I will have to try and lose weight,' it would be much more useful if replaced with 'I will loose weight'.
The use of the word 'try' affects us on an emotional and unconscious level. Particularly from someone we see as an authority figure, like your parents, teacher, etc. When they asked you to 'try' something, it planted a seed of doubt in our mind and conveys to your unconscious 'I don’t believe in' or 'trust you'.
Instead of trying to be more aware of the words you use,
just be aware of them more and more.
So, instead of trying to utilize this concept, how about just using it instead?
Whatever ridiculous costume or colored spandex they wore,
did not matter.
What mattered was how we felt when we were in their company.
Whether sitting cross legged,
our breaths steaming up the television screen in our anticipation, or flicking gleefully through our prized comic book,the overriding message was always one of self belief, hope and good overcoming evil.
There have been many Super Hero's out there, created by the optimistic minds of people just like you or I.
Superman, Batman, Spiderman, Wonder Woman, the list is endless....
Let's take Superman. How did the story go?
He was shipped to earth alone, from another planet.
So he started off feeling like an outsider. Have you ever felt like that?
He grew up feeling different, hiding his unusual traits, attempting to muffle his hidden talents and uniqueness, in the fear that others would think him strange. Have you ever done this?
Some other people, (the villains) when discovering this uniqueness, started to bully him, due to his 'differences' frightening them and it not complying with their set of rules and agenda.
You can see where this is going (-:
After a period of turmoil and angst he realized that he had been given a gift. And this gift could help change the world for the better. So he decided to use it.
Have you got similar gifts?
Let's look at his bright 'costume' as his outward persona.
Have you got access and resources for putting on a bright 'costume' also? Have you developed your own brand or identity?
In other words has life taught you some skills you could use in how you communicate with others and the best way to achieve the results you desire? Has your 'costume' got the power say, to convince people to follow you so that you can help them to a better environment? Have you developed a magnetic personality?
If we look at Superman, he was magnetic, confident, charming and charismatic when in his 'costume'.
But he also knew when it was best just to blend in and simply be Clark Kent.
His ability to adapt to the situation, depending on the task at hand and who he was dealing with meant was part of how he became a super leader, role model and hero. Have you learned how to adapt also?
His determination and drive and a clear goal of where he wanted to go and what he wanted to do, was probably the strongest gift he had. Without a clear vision of what he wanted to achieve he would never have been able to achieve it. Do you have a clear vision and goal as to what you want to achieve?
If not, this is the first and most important step in becoming a Super Hero.
Close you eyes right now and visualize what you would like to achieve.
Imagine yourself there, now, in this enviroment, having suceeded in your goals. What does the scene look like around you? What do you hear? What can you smell, feel, taste? How does it make you feel?
Super! You have now taken the first step and neuro wired your unconscious, your biggest super power at your disposal, to lead you on the path towards your goal.
My goal is a big one. To help change the world for the better.
Some of the 'villains' may laugh and even try to destroy me,
and be warned, they will probably have a go at you too once they know you are accessing your super powers, but be strong and hold firm and keep on that path.
One of my favorite childhood hero's was Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz,
I loved her and her clumsy entourage of unusual friends she met along her journey.
It was not until the end of the fantastical journey, that they discover they all already possess
all the virtues that they had been so desperately searching for.
She didn't have to
run away to find her heart's desire.
Like Dorothy, I am now clicking my magical heels and making my dreams come true.
Now go put on your heels, your cloak or whatever it may be and start using those super powers!
The lack of certainty, A state of having limited
knowledge where it is impossible to exactly describe the existing state, a future outcome, or more than one possible outcome.
Well, do we actually ever have real certainty?
Or is it all an illusion?
What I
mean is, the actual facts....
Over the years many things we believed were
'certain', turned out later to be untrue.
Many old civilizations believed that an eclipse was a
demon eating the sun. Their wise leaders were certain that the best way to get rid of the
“demon” consuming their sun was to unite and make as much noise
as possible to scare it away by banging drums and shouting as
loudly as possible.
We believed with the guidance and advice of learned men that the earth was flat.
Thales of Miletus, the first recorded expert opinion of electricity and magnetism, said loadstone attracts iron
because it has a soul.The prevailing view then became that movement of any
kind indicated life, or a soul, or a god.
Many of us believed
a white bearded man, with a big belly and a red coat, flew around the
whole world in one night, zipping down chimneys to leave presents under
the tree for us all.
A doctor in Ireland
might say if you have a heart condition,
don't drink any coffee
but an
Italian one may say have five at the maximum!
In other words, our influences in these beliefs were many. From 'wise' men to doctors, to scientists and philosophers.
Our parents, family, friends, teachers and all around us, helped to shape and mold our concepts, opinions and beliefs.
What I am asking is therefore is, can we ever really be certain?
Everyday there are new discoveries and old truths being proved as un-truths.
Everyday we are letting go of some old beliefs.
We grow up and
find out the truth about Santa, we discover where babies really come
from and that money doesn't in fact grow on trees -
We learn through learning....
That learning to ride a bike, even though at first it's scary, it is fun.
That learning to drive is very useful.
That learning to read can be a great source of joy.
That learning is a good thing.
That to learn you have to take risks and sometimes even do things that might at first seem impossible.
That the clear certainty that you now have that something is 'impossible' might actually be untrue.
So be a little uncertain, no harm in that, but just go do it anyway!
You just might prove yourself wrong!
To all your marvelous uncertainty's and new discoveries,
Danielle x
For help in overcoming your fear in uncertainty call 0863845299
It has been widely assumed that the Dodo bird became flightless, mainly because of abundant food sources and not too many predators on the island of Mauritius where it once lived. Then, after it had lost its ability to fly, it was sadly preyed upon by hungry sailors, their domesticated animals, and other invasive species, introduced to the little island during that time.
Their extinction was slow, uneventful and not immediately noticed.... the only prevailing memory and its well known reputation, is that of it being a little dim.
I wonder are some of us following the Dodo's path? Is our greed and comfort in the familiar and the abundantly disposable, clouding our judgement and ability to spot the the clear signs of our destruction?
Has what is safe and familiar to us become our imminent downfall?
Are our comfortable surroundings slowly clipping away at our wings and our ability to soar?
Our actions and this includes our in- actions, always have consequences, so... pay careful attention to where your life is leading you. If you don't want to follow the Dodo's path, step out of the familiar, spread your wings and explore all the amazing abundance that the rest of this world has to offer also... To your flight! Danielle x For more advise on how to soar high call me on 086-3845299 or email neurocombatives@gmail.com
Once upon a time... growing up in the dusty, crowded, back streets of an ordinary city, there was a little boy.
This boy had the most incredible, piercing blue eyes and adorable dimples in his cheeks, that you would just love to squeeze!
Every time his parents pulled him along through the busy shops, people would stop and stare and tell them what an absolutely gorgeous little kid they had.
One part about this story (as it is unfortunately not your typical fairy tale) is that his mum and dad, for some sad reason (which is a whole other story) did not know or have the ability to be able to appreciate what an amazing, unique and special little boy they had brought into the world.
They would drag him along, muttering under their breath what a nuisance and attention seeker he was, (even though he had actually not attempted to do anything).
When the coast was clear and nobody was watching, he would reliably receive an unwanted present of a clout around the ear, for the 'inconvenience' he had caused.
So, as time passed....... he started to look down towards his grubby shoes, hiding his sparkling eyes under thick lashes,
In fact, it was even a lot worse then this, because the older the boy became, and the more he could communicate and be independent, the more his parents seemed to want to stifle him. They started to take their inner anger and turmoil out on him more and more.
'You are such a nuisance',
'waste of space',
'you will never amount to anything',
they would hiss at him through gritted teeth over and over again.
Things were very grim and life was filled with many knocks and bruisesand 'I walked into the door' excuses.
His class mates began to look at him with distorted eyebrows, when he shuffled by, eyes downcast. They even nicknamed him 'Quasimodo', because of his hunched shoulders.
'Oy, Quasi!' they would shout at him with curiosity, 'Come over here and talk to us!' 'Uh, sorry, no I cant, gotta rush,' he would mumble.
His teacher instead, began to look at him with strange, wide eyes and pursed lips. A look he didn't recognize.
'Hey there, is everything okay,' she would coax gently, hunching down to try and get a look at his face. 'Do you want to talk about it?' 'Sorry, no I cant,' he would mutter.
The years passed in between a blur of physical and psychological beatings. His grades diminished more and more, due to the headaches he always had. The swellings and the voices of his parents chanting in his head stopped him from being able to hear what the teacher was saying.
'Can you please look up and pay attention!' His Maths teacher would say, 'And can you tell me what the sum is?' 'Sorry, no I cant,' he would say.
'Could you repeat what I said back in English?' The french teacher would ask. 'Sorry, no I cant,' he would reply.
'Can you come up to the board and point on the map to where America is?' Asked his geography teacher. 'Sorry, no I cant,' he would say in a whisper.
In swimming class, his coach would encourage him to dive into the deep end, 'Come on, it's easy!' he would shout over the splashing. 'No, I..I...cant!' He would croak amidst mouthfuls of water.
When he would arrive home, his school report crumpled and worn in his sweaty palms, his parents would snatch it roughly from him. 'I knew it!' His mother would hiss through gritted teeth. 'Just what I expected.' 'Pathetic,' his father would grunt. 'He is not capable of anything, he will never amount to anything.' He would add before turning and slapping him on the head with the words, 'What a failure you are!'
And so the little boy grew up, fulfilling all the words of his parents. They were right, he would think. He was a 'failure' just as they said.
He drifted from job to job, his bosses becoming exasperated at his 'lack of motivation'.
They would say, 'We need you to step up to the plate now.' 'Im sorry, no I cant,' was always his reply before he would loose his job. He knew, it was that he just was not able to fulfill his duties properly.
He went on a couple of dates but they would say at the end of the night, that he was too serious, depressing or negative. He thought he was just being honest. He did eventually have a girlfriend, for a few months. He liked her very much.
She was kind and loving. She would lift his heavy fringe gently with her fingers and peer into his eyes.
'Let me in,' she would ask. 'No, I cant,' was his reply.
One night while they sat watching their customary show on telly, she turned towards him, playing nervously with the hem of her skirt.
'It is time we talked,' she said. 'I love you and I want to progress this relationship on to the next level, otherwise we will have to... go our separate ways.' 'I'm sorry...n...no...I c...can't,' he stammered.
She stood up slowly, turning once to look at him with brimming eyes, hoping that he would say something different, but he didn't.
So she walked away, shutting the door between them and the only love he had ever felt in his life. And yes, he did love her. Totally. Which is why he had to let her go. She deserved much better then a nobody like him. What could he ever do for her? She was smart, beautiful and full of life. She had everything to live for and the world at her feet.
He stared at the muted screen on the television. The flickering faces becoming those of his now deceased parents, jeering and laughing at him.
'Haha, she left you! Of course she did!' They screamed in his head. 'What else would you expect!' His class mates, teachers and previous employers all crowded behind them on the little screen, banging at it from the inside. 'Let us out and into your head! We will teach you how to do it!' They shouted hysterically. He tried the remote control but even when the power light went out they were still there, guffawing at him with psychotic eyes. The voices filled his head, becoming louder and louder and he clawed at his ears in panic.
'No, I caaaant!' he screamed at the top of his voice, grabbing a nearby bottle and firing it at the television screen. It smashed into smithereens and the dark room went silent.
He got up with a weary sigh, walked out the front door, barefoot, leaving the wide open door creaking in the wind behind him.
As he approached the looming shadow of the city's bridge over the flowing river, he caught a glimpse of something moving. A dark silhouette stood perfectly still and tall, balanced on the railing.A silhouette he knew so very well.
The silence in his head was never as loud as this moment. The familiar shape suddenly began a slow motion free fall into the icy waters below as he raced without thinking towards it, diving over the edge at the same point where the figure was now being engulfed by the deadly waves.
The silence was smashed by the water hitting his ears and he grasped around desperately in the swirling cold waters, eventually his fingers touching a limp body. A body normally so full of life, positivity and love. It just didn't seem possible. It was so wrong. He clung on, fighting the waves with all his might, dragging the dead weight with him onto the shore.
'No please! Don't let her be dead!' he screamed at the heavens. 'It should be me, not her!!'
He pounded on her chest and exhaled deep gulps of air into her lungs, sucking in all the strenght he possesed and giving it without pause to the only woman he had ever loved.
'I'm so sorry,' he cried, 'I wont leave you, I promise! I will fight for us both!'
She coughed up the salty water, and sucked in the life giving air she desperately needed.
'You did it...you saved us both,' she replied in a whisper, 'Now, I want you to keep doing it.
Can you? Can you do that?'
He wrapped his wet arms around her and looked her directly in the eyes for the first time, salty tears streaming down his face.
When someone says they are afraid...
